Golden Mend
Welcome to Golden Mend – a modern, holistic approach to therapy
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Dear Margie - Blog

Besides helping to answer your questions, the Dear Margie blog will give you an idea of how our sessions may run.

Dear Margie

Addiction is not a choice. It originates in a human being’s desperate attempt to solve a problem. The problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self.
— Dr.Gabor Mate

You can send me any questions and I will do my best to answer them. I love to hear from you. Send your problems through to me - margie@goldenmend.com.au
No question is too little, too big or too silly.
Besides helping to answer your questions, the Dear Margie blog will give you an idea of how our sessions may run. It’s so important you feel heard and listened to, that you no longer feel like a victim of your past. Know that you are not alone and it is possible to be free of shame and guilt. You are worth it!

 

My son’s drinking is out of control.

Dear Margie,

 

I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t cope. I need help. My son is an alcoholic and takes drugs as well. I’ve lost trust in him and still fall for all his broken promises. I don’t tell other people because I’m worried what they’ll think. I love him, and I want to help but I don’t know what to do.

ANSWER

When you love someone who drinks too much or is suffering from addiction, it hurts. You might feel exhausted from the constant disappointment when your loved one breaks their promise to get better. You know they’ve been drinking or using just by the sound of their voice. You want the person you love to get sober for good so you can finally have the loving, healthy relationship you crave. You may worry about what people think It’s important that you find a safe place so you can open up to someone who understands, and has no judgement, just support.

You need to know one thing. It's not your fault. None of it. The lying, denial and anger. It's not about you. This illness does a really good job trying to blame us.

Addiction is a family disease. If someone in your family suffers from addiction, it’s important to take action before the addiction cripples the entire family. Whether it’s drug abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling or prescription medications, there are some supportive ways to help your family member overcome the addiction before it worsens.

1.        Confirm the signs. These may include mood swings, financial problems risky behaviour, neglect of responsibilities. Physical signs such as unusual sleep patterns, slurred speech, restlessness and bloodshot eyes may point to problematic alcohol or drug use.

2.        Education. Educate yourself on the addiction.

3.        Be there emotionally, not financially. It’s important not to support the addicted individual financially. Paying for things like rent or loaning your loved one money while they recover are all behaviours that enable their addiction, not their recovery.

4.        Practise self-care.

It’s important to seek help. Therapy will help you to create your own life goals, to look after your own physical and mental health, to learn how to enforce boundaries, to work with your anxiety, anger, fears and depression, to let go of guilt. If children are involved it is vital to learn how to talk to them about what is happening in the home.

Therapy with Margie will teach you how to take back your power from the addiction surrounding you. You can ring for a free 20 minute consultation and I will explain the addiction to you. Here’s a loving truth: It will get worse if you don’t seek help soon. At Golden Mend, we only make the diagnosis of alcoholism or drug or gambling dependence. We never call anyone an alcoholic or an addict until he or she first has that self-revelation.

margie Bauer